Description

We felt the need to create a course like this, because of the reoccurring „scenarios” that we come across in our own praxis, but even our own private life, we see that most of the problems that occur in a marriage or relationship could be prevented.

We often don’t talk about or cross-check questions, which would be foundational. This would be for instance where or how would we like to live, do we want kids, if yes, then how much and when, how should we spend the weekdays, weekends, the holidays and free time? Or how important is the career for each of us, what roles do they have and what can be expected in the future? How do we share the work around the house and the kids? How do we approach the financial questions, who pays when should we have a shared bank account or even a marriage contract and how much should we save or spend? Talking about intimacy can be difficult the same way, the longings and fears that come connected with it, about trust and cheating. But we even find it difficult to talk about our brought values, burdens, habits, or even our addictions.

We might mostly evade these questions because we are scared that our opinions won’t match with the others, which could cause a conflict. These unclear questions always peek back in the relationships, as they are the base of it all. If they’re hazy, bypassed, pushed under the rug, it all shows on the relationship and they can cause conflict and distance between partners.

Before the wedding – What applies to the wedding?

Outside of the above-mentioned fears, the wedding itself is a ritual – which is wonderful and most frequently much anticipated – that can cause an urge of panic. On top of the huge amount of attention on their big day, and the mishaps that could occur, the commitment itself can be pressuring, the oath, vow, being permanent, and the feeling that it’s irreversible.  That a period comes to an end and something totally different starts instead, which many times ends in unhappiness, could be scary. This feeling goes against the present feeling of love, and desire, to bound ourselves with each other.

There can be doubts regarding the decision: are they really the one, am I doing the right thing, wasn’t my life better before? Will I be able to be a good wife, husband, partner, mom, dad, etc? Even more so if I already experienced a divorce, or a bad example, like an argument, even abuse in my family before?

Will I be able to compromise? Keep being myself if I’ll be a married person, and have kids? Will I be able to stay faithful, and my partner? Could it be that the marriage makes it „mandatory”, which could be pressing and generates the opposite?

The good news is that we don’t have to know the answers to these questions, if we talk about it, it already takes out the „load”, and we learn it and practice it from that start, that a joint life needs a regular collation.   

What do we offer in this package?

We made lessons, challenges for you guys that go over 17 days, they can be done daily, once every 2-3 days, or even weekly. This is left up to you, but it’s practical to determine your progressions tempo in the beginning and trying to keep that throughout if possible. The course takes half, one or two hours a day tops, but of course, the more time you all spend on it, each other, the communication, the better it is. 

If one, or even both of you oppose an assignment, don’t be afraid to skip it, but talk about it, what’s causing it? What are you afraid of, what’s something that could help? Maybe get back to it later.

The days are built around different subjects, walking through the beginning of the relationship, how you guys met, the models you brought from your family, habits, hardships. Walking through your strategies regarding difficulties the same way, about the marriage, your hopes and images about the wedding, desires and fears, intimacy, financial questions, and roles.

On top of this, many lessons deepen the connection between the two of you and help to get to know each other better. 

We wholeheartedly encourage you guys in keeping it and having fun during it, don’t forget about the playfulness!

Who are we? – About the authors

We’re both family-couple therapists, we work with individual clients and couples. Together we hold somatodrama groups, before the wedding groups and withdrawings.

You can read our introductions, degrees, qualifications, and competencies about Hámor Éva here, and about Koncz Orsolya here.

What do others say about the Before the marriage preparatory?

It’s so great, that I would make it mandatory. It helps to know my partner deeper, and by this, getting closer to each other. It shines on tones, that are hard to reach within ourselves, or our partners. We give birth to understanding, our empathy and acceptance grow, our behaviour changes positively so that our connections are getting tighter and stronger. Back in the day, a course like this would have meant a lot!

Singer Magdolna, writer, mental health professional, consultant